guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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