so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
two words...techno handjob
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
