Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize