Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
