Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
