i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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