fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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