just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
