i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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