ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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