Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
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i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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