so explain again why im purple
no
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
