when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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