You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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