she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
