at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
