I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
