I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
