It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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