Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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