He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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