I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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