We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
