Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize