Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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