after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
