Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i dont even know how to be here
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
