Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
