love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
