He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
