were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I forget how to act sober
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
