question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
