Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
