Christians are straight up FREAKS
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
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putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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