My brain says no but my pants say off.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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