do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
