ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i think i just lost a toe
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
