If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
