Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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