I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
