i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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