So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.