there's paper in my vomit.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.