Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Awful Traits That Pretentious People Exhibit
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
People Share Why They Quit a Job on The Spot
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies