So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
