dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
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dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
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Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.