I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"