he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
