if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
