it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
