i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
