talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
