One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
