Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The beer is more important than you right now.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
