I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
operation have a gay friend backfired
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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