If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
