i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
