My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
