Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
