The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
