I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My vagina is very pro this idea
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
