Please, let me fuck your mom
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
