Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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