Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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