My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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