Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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