I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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