I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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