70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
