I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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