There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
