you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
