One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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