remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
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The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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