swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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