She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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