I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
