The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
