im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
