he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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