I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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