Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
