Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She even gives head with a lisp.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
